BOOK REVIEW OF THE MONTH
From Defiance to Cooperation
Real Solutions for Transforming the Angry, Defiant, Discouraged Child
by John F. Taylor, PH.D.
Teaching Summer Camp has been a delight and an incredible challenge.
What I have found is that the guidelines for how to help angry, defiant children are one in the same as to how interact and work with angry, defiant adults.
No matter where you go in the world you encounter people who: easily lose their temper, argue, defy or refuse to comply with requests and rules, deliberately do things to annoy others, blame others, are touchy, angry, resentful, spiteful or vindictive.
The best advice in the book is to approach the defiant, angry, person with empathy—words like ”You are having are hard time, aren’t you?” work miracles. Giving a couple of choices to a person in a bad spot can help them move on, as opposed to giving orders.
Dealing with tough children or adults? I recommend you give Taylor’s book a read.
Sweet Tea and Jesus Shoes
By Donna Ball, Sandra Chastain, Debra Dixon, Virginia Ellis,
Nancy Knight, and Deborah Smith
Sixteen short stories grace this book, beginning with the story called, “Jesus Shoes” by Chastain. Chastain says of the type of rope sandals they made in Sunday School (called Jesus Shoes) that it was “my opinion that the reason all the apostles had such sad expressions in their pictures was because their feet hurt.” From homemade wine, fruitcake and opening season hunting traditions, to bloody handprints, and pet squirrels, Sweet Tea and Jesus Shoes will amuse, remind, and finally tuck you in under a pleasant quilt of stories, Southern style.
January Book Review
Island of Saints
By Andy Andrews
“Billy blew a thick could of smoke toward the window. “Okay...,” he said, “why does Helen act mean? Well...you know Helen has had some tough things happen in her life...”
“I know.”
“...and because of those tough things, Helen has gotten mad.”
“Mad at what?”
“Well, Buddy Boy... Helen is mad at everything right now. She is a good person, and you are right ... she is not really mean. But sometimes when a person is angry, that person can act mean. Helen has let her anger consume her. Right now it has become her. And anger is about the only way Helen expresses herself. You know, if all you have is a hammer... everything pretty much looks like a nail.” Billy paused. “And that’s why Helen acts mean.”
Page one hundred and nineteen continues on to talk about the relationship between anger and forgiveness and the difficulty that lies between the two. The beginning of the book is slow, but the middle is deep and wise. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for a good read, someone trying to make sense of suffering, or a person working on what forgiveness looks like. Andrews has done an incredible job.
February Book Review
Stop Walking on Eggshells
Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
Paul T. Mason, M.S. Randi Kreger
What is Borderline Personality Disorder? (BPD) This excellent book is worth reading.
Mason and Kreger include thorough checklists, some of which are listed below:
Thoughts:
· Alternate between seeing: people as either flawless or evil; others as completely for them or against them; situations as either disastrous or ideal; themselves as either worthless or flawless.
· Have a hard time recalling someone’s love for them when they’re not around.
· Believe that others are either completely totally right or totally wrong.
· Seem unwilling to admit to a mistake–or feel that everything they do is a mistake.
· Not realize the effects of their behavior on others.
Feelings:
· Feel abandoned at the slightest provocation
· Have extreme moodiness that cycles very quickly (in minutes/hours)
· Have difficulty managing their emotions
· Feel: distrustful and suspicious a great deal of time; empty or like they have no self a great deal of time; ignored when they are not the focus of attention
· Feel they can never get enough love, affection, or attention
Behaviors:
· Have trouble observing others’ personal limits, and/or defining their own personal limits
· Act impulsively in ways that are potentially self damaging, such as spending too much, engaging in dangerous sex, fighting, gambling, abusing drugs or alcohol, reckless driving, shoplifting or disordered eating
· Change their expectations in such a way that the other person feels they can never do anything right
· Physically abuse others, Needlessly create crises or live chaotically
· Do or say something inappropriate to focus the attention on them when they feel completely ignored.
March Book Review
Managing Pain Before It Manages You
A Clinically Tested, Effective Program to Take Back Your Life From Pain
Margaret A. Caudill, MD, PHD, MPH
Third Edition
Learn How to:
· Reduce pain with proven mind-
· Decrease discomfort, depression and distress
· Be more active with less pain
· Use medications wisely
· Enjoy life again
The book begins with the following words: “We know a lot about chronic pain and are learning more every day, but many people are still left to live their lives in pain.”
Caudill does an excellent job of sorting through the many ways pain can affect us. She helps a person inventory his or her life in such a way that pleasure can be restored and pain can take a back seat. Mind you, her method requires time, practice, and a desire for change.
I could see people gathering together to do the workbook week by week. I could see understanding growing, coping strategies shared, and people’s lives changed. Caudill is a holistic doctor approaching pain from many different directions with thorough descriptions. She is clear that many people in chronic pain simply give up because after running into a bunch of dead ends; hopelessness can become a way of life.
This book can make a difference in the life of someone you love, or your own life. I found it in my public library.
The April Book Review
Healing the Hurt, Restoring the Hope
How to Guide Children and Teens through Times
of Divorce, Death, and Crisis with the RAINBOWS Approach
Activities, Stories, Advice and Inspiration from the Program
That’s Helped More Than 1 Million Families
by Suzy Yehl Marta, Founder and President, RAINBOWS Inc.,
The World’s Largest Grief Support Organization for Youth
I am sold. I’ve downloaded the Rainbows Inc. information and am taking it to the church Caring Committee to see if the church is willing to take advantage of Rainbow Inc.’s resources and training to form support groups for children and teens who have experienced loss.
However, even if you don’t know an organization willing to do the Rainbow’s approach, this book contains huge amounts of information that will enable you to be a healing presence for a child or teen who has faced upheaval in his or her life due to divorce, death, incarceration, foreclosure, and more.
This book is a treasure trove of information for those who want to make a difference in our world and our children’s lives.
